1. I am a vacuous individual with nothing original to say
2. What I have to say is not going to change the world one bit
3. No one wants to read the random ramblings of a total stranger
4. There is nothing interesting left in this world to write about
5. All that can be said has already been said
6. My life is not interesting to anyone except for my mum who does not possess the tech savvy to turn on a computer
7. My grammar is clumsy and stilted
8. My speling is not good
9. I am suck
10. I couldn’t be arsed
Due to a steady degradation in my attention span (something to do with dying brain cells, no doubt) I have decided that I will be updating my tumblr more so than this here wordpress blog. So if you are so inclined please give this a loving click.
My less-than-a-year-old puppy stopped eating 48 hours ago. And from past experience that’s always a bad sign.
I still remember a previous dog who fell ill and basically starved herself to death. The last few moments were the most painful. Between trying to syringe feed her, we had to endure watching her drag her emaciated body around the garden in an attempt to avoid us forcing food into her. The next morning we found her lifeless body on the driveway.
The whole of yesterday was spent anxiously watching her every move. She is a mad hatter of a dog and would normally jump up and down and every other way imaginable whenever she caught sight of us. Although she was still walking about, her usual bounce was conspicuously absent. Her eyes looked glassy and miserable. No amount of coaxing could make her eat.
A couple of days before we found a half mangled rat in the driveway and I am convinced that my puppy may have swallowed some bacteria or virus in the process of toying with the vermin.
Woke up early this morning just so I could put out food for her and lo and behold she started nibbling at it. She actually finished all the food and seemed more active after. She is still slow when she used to wolf down her food but it’s a start!
On the eve of my imminent relocation, I was forced to clear out the drawers and cupboards that I have filled up over the last 2 years. Little objects crop up in the midst of all the junk that can trigger big memories and feelings. A photo taken with a colleague at work, a plastic name tag from a long forgotten conference on some strange topic, a piece of metal from an old watch strap, warranty cards, handouts, flyers, hastily written pieces of post-it’s and the list goes on and on. Each item drags out on old emotion for dusting and perusal, only to be filed back within the nether regions of the mind. How big exactly is the space within? Will I evetually hit against a wall?
Had an interesting half an hour conversation with a reformed drug addict yesterday which really opened my eyes. He pointed out so many things to me that I would normally not think about. I just hope that the summary below does justice to the greatness of this man.
1. “To climb out of the hole that I was in, nearly ended my life.”
2. “Now that I am out, I learnt never to judge others. I have lived for a time surrounded by active users and when I see them, I never feel that I am better than them in any way. I know my roots and am fully aware that I do not possess the mental nor physical ability to change the world. I just want to help.”
3. “Never give money to junkies. I would rather buy them a meal if I am financially capable on that day. If they ask for bus fare, I will give them a ride instead. I know how their minds work seeing that I used to be one of them. They will just use any small amount of money to feed their habits.”
4. “All of us come from our mothers but more importantly I remember being born again when I finally stopped using”
5. “Everyday is a constant struggle to not go back to the habit. I have to work at it every single day of my life.”
6. “Life is so very different now that I am drug-free. No more living in constant fear of the authorities. No more shying away from the light. No more avoiding eye contact. Its just a huge burden lifted off my back.”
To this man who shall remain anonymous, I salute you!
One of my lower molar gave out on me last night. Of all things a tiny but rock hard guava seed was its undoing. Chewing through the soft bits of the fruit, I suddenly found pieces of enamel and filling. A good chunk of the tooth had crumbled away!
What I ended up with was a fractured tooth with a very sharp edge. It was like having a razor blade in my mouth whenever my tongue brushed against it. This afternoon I did something that I have avoided doing for the past 10 years. Go to a dentist.
I confessed my sin to her and she smiled bemusedly. I asked for local anesthesia like a nervous school girl and to her credit she did not burst out laughing.
In an attempt to appear calm and composed I laced the fingers of my hands together and placed them on my midriff. While she was digging away at my destroyed molar, I found my fingers dancing up and down with every stab. Truth be told, it was not that bad but having a metal instrument with a tapering end poking around the inside of my head is not my idea of fun.
After what seemed like an eternity of torture she declared that we were done. Like the proverbial bat I was out if that hell in no seconds flat.
“Don’t forget your appointment in 2 weeks time!” she trilled behind me. What a witch!
A fat lot of good the flu shot I had last week did me! My nasal passages are all stuffed up and I can’t smell nor taste a bloody thing. My nose feels as if its a size too big for my face and there is a constant dribble of goo running down my nostrils. My yearly flu attack is back with a vengeance.
The tail end of the year always feels a little strange to me. The evenings are extra dusky and the promise of something new and good on the horizon almost becomes tangible. Somewhere in there is the fear of having hope dashed to a million pieces. You can almost see it in the faces of strangers walking pass you who are most probably thinking, “This year is so bad that the new one can’t sink any lower. Or maybe it can……”
So how has my year been? It started off with a big move down to the big ‘durian’ that is Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of our young nation. Tragedy struck almost immediately with some nefarious being carting off my leather shoes in the dead of night. The side view mirror of my car got whacked. On a more personal front, my life was drastically re-wired by a new workplace. Like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs I treaded the boards the best I could. I am still alive aren’t I?
Did I grow as a person? I guess I did. Did I grow into a better person? Definitely debatable but I like to think so. I have more strands of white in my hair and I am almost sure that it in no way indicates wisdom.
To sum the year up in a single word – tentative.
I am no insomniac by any stretch of the imagination but I am a very light sleeper. The tiny sound of a light switch can wake me up in a wink. I love the silence or the lack of sound in the wee hours of the night. Well the lack of big sounds at least.
The creak of the bed, the swish of a turning body against bed sheets, the satisfied breathing of a restful mind, the melodious tinkle of the wind chime hanging in my neighbor’s porch; my mind marinates in it like a weary body in a jacuzzi.
The lack of traffic noise tricks my mind into thinking that society does not exist. We take our respite from modern life anyway we can.