gastronomical adventure

disclaimer: this is not for the squeamish. children under 12 must get the permission of their parents before proceeding further.

Ok this is just sad. I am sitting in my car in front of a public park in Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia and typing this. At 12.50 in the afternoon on a overcast Saturday. I am waiting for my sister to finish her presentation at a nearby local bank. Off the top of my head I can think of any number of places that I would rather be in. Anyways family comes first and all that shit and its not like I have to save the world today back in Kuala Lumpur.

Almost shat my pants an hour ago and I am not dealing in metaphors here. Started off with a twinge of discomfort way down at my center of gravity. As the seconds ticked off the pressure built up and it felt as if all my insides were shifting downwards. This must what it feels like for a woman in the throes of child labor. At that point in time you could not have distracted me even if you placed a million dollars right in front of me. My senses had shut everything down to divert all available resources to my lower abdomen. All i needed was to expel. The noodles i had last night growled menacingly in the nether regions of my bowels.

i caught sight of a nearby mall and drove into the multi-story carpark. being a weekend the crowd was out in force and i had to circle for a good 15 minutes before i found an empty slot. by this time my senses had gone into overdrive and a thin film of sweat clung to my forehead and upper lip. walking as quickly as i could without bringing attention to the fact that my insides were about to burst, i accosted the first guard on duty at the mall and inquired as to the whereabouts of the nearest loo.

securing an empty stall, my muscles gave way. sweet relief.


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